Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's shark week go big or go home
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
