Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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