I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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