So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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