Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
