thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
