I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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