he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
