I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
