I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
