I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
