if only i could text you this smell
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
