her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
