My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
