This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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