so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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