: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
