If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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