he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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