I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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