Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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