I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
