She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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