Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
