my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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