did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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