allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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