shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
