i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
