it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
