better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
