To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
