The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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