Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
