He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
