He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
