1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
