there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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