I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
