i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
