she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he told me I talked like a deaf person
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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