I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
only if we run a train.
done.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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