Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
