He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dear god my vagina.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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