I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
