The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
