somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
