she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
