I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
