If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just google imaged poop.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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