people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
