Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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