And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
