He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
