I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
