I want to have your abortion
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
