I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize