everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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