we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
