that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize