I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
