I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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