i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
