How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
