How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
