Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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