People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize