dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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