I bet he comes in French.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
