East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize