I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
