Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
